These Advice shared by A Parent Which Helped Me when I became a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was just just surviving for twelve months."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the truth quickly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good place. You need some help. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now better used to addressing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider failure to open up among men, who often absorb damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to ask for a pause - going on a couple of days away, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "poor choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, confide in a friend, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."